Separate but Equal?

Those who remember the fight for civil liberties of African-Americans and for women may well feel a certain recognition at what the gay community is currently experiencing. As the generations change and the youth of today are much more accepting of a homosexual lifestyle, gays are taking to the streets and the courts to demand basic rights in regards to their relationships.

 

The most prominent example is of course the right to marriage, a right which seems so unlikely to be challenged but which nevertheless is hotly contested. Currently gays can enter into a “civil union” that entails many of the same rights as those enjoyed by a married couple, yet this raises memories of the old “separate but equal” practices of discrimination. Those who oppose gay marriage argue from a definitional standpoint, asserting that marriage means a union between a man and a women; yet, what is really at stake is the societal recognition of a homosexual union as equally legitimate to a heterosexual one.

 

Considering that this nation that has overcome racism and misogyny nevertheless still faces discrimination on both counts, there is no doubt that a complete change in attitude with respect to gay marriage may take a long time to effect; yet, the very fact that this nation has made such great strides in these areas in such a short time should be cause for hope. America is a country of tolerance and progressiveness, ideals its naysayers would do well to remember.

Supporting a Friend or Family Member Whilst They are ‘Coming Out’

Rainbow flag flapping in the wind with blue sk... 

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Life can be tricky at the best of times.  For a person who is gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender, the simple act of being themselves around friends and family can be difficult and emotionally traumatic.  Especially if friends and family are not supportive of the situation.

When a friend or family member decides to come out, many indicate to the person that ‘they already knew’.  Although there are many out there who are ok with differences in sexuality, there are, unfortunately, many who are not.  Even though you may not agree with a persons choice in sexuality, for whatever reason, it is still possible to show support for your friend or family member.

You don’t need to talk about it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.  Just simply being with the person, and not turning your back on them, both physically and literally will make the world of difference.  Put yourself in that person’s place.  Imagine what it would feel like to have those closest to you not be supportive in a situation where you are simply trying to express who you are.  You would want people to be supportive and accepting.  This empathic way of showing support is vital if you want to show a friend or family member that you are there for them.  Without showing empathy, you will not be able to put yourself in the other persons shoes, and therefore supporting a friend may be difficult for you.  In saying that, it is not entirely impossible.

Not all of us are great at empathy.  Even if you can’t show empathy, you can still be there for someone.

It Gets Better

College students raising the rainbow flag. 

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In high school, everyone gets bullied for being different. But gay and lesbian students get it worst of all. These kids are told that somethng that is fundamental to who they are is not only different but wrong. And the worst part of it is, unlike those who get picked on for being too short or wearing the wrong kind of shoes, it is not only the kids who are doing it. Adults are doing the bullying as well. Many of them grew up in a different time, and are passing their closed-mindedness on to the next generation. But the tides are changing.

As the recent, and tragic, suicides of gay teens showed us, bullying can be lethal it is a serious thing. And it is up to us to do something about it. Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project compiles videos, many from high-profile celebrities, telling gay and lesbian youths that there is hope, that although life seems cruel now, they do have a future.

In California, the state whose famous Proposition 8 delivered a huge blow against same-sex unions (and may end up being the definitive gay marriage battle in the courts), the state senate recently passed a bill mandating that gay history be taught in schools. This bill would hopefully show LGBT that there are people out there like them, fighting for their rights, and there have been for many years. It could also teach all students to be more open-minded.

It will be a hard-won fight, but it gets better.

Create a Successful Online Dating Profile

You’re single and want to meet someone new. But you want to avoid the glitches that come with spending time with someone who really isn’t interested in who you are or what you want. Though finding someone through online singles dating is not an easy task, a successful effort can make a huge difference in your life. The process of creating an online dating profile is definitely a creative venture, one that needs your time, your honest heart and your positive outlook to keep it going.

These online dating ideas will help:

  • Spend some time. Make it a point to create a reflective and interesting profile. See your dating profile as an important “get your foot in the door” opportunity, somewhat like a resume gets you in the door of a desired company.
  • Talk about your family. Are you recently divorced? Have you never been married? Do you have children?
  • Be honest. If you are a woman 5-foot-10 inches in height, don’t change the numbers even if you feel you are too tall for many men. If you don’t like sports, be honest about that. If you need a woman who is a better listener than she is a talker, make sure that your voice is heard.
  • Be positive. Even if you feel like a portion of your profile will be seen as negative, support all your thoughts with positive statements about what you have learned from your life’s experiences.

Singles dating, online or otherwise, doesn’t have to be difficult to be rewarding. What it takes is the ability to project, in a positive way, who you are and what you are looking for in a relationship.

Children can be More Open than their Parents

Children can be more open to new ideas and sharing feelings than some parents. This is due, primarily, to less intimidation and more trust in people than many adults.

The behavior of most adults is shaped by experiences. These experiences can be good and bad. For example if a person touches their hand to a stove top and gets burned, this experience leads them to avoid touching a stove top, without examining the risk, in the future. The same can be said for social situations. Many behaviors formed in childhood can last well into adulthood. An adult may have experienced ridicule or insults for sharing their ideas and feelings in the past. This can lead to not sharing this type of information later in life due to past experiences. Children, on the other hand, do not have as many experiences and will not have the same level of potential intimidation about sharing their feelings on topics.

The same equation can be applied to children and adults when it comes to trust. Adult behavior regarding trust is formed from past experience as well. If an adult trusts people over time, the number of total people increases. With that number of people, the chances of betrayal or having a trust broken also increases. These instances can build habits and behaviors in adults that have not been formed by young people.

Children can be more open, honest and trusting due to their lack of experience and negative outcomes in life. If these young people exercise some caution as they build their bank of experiences, they have the potential to experience more and learn more about themselves and others.

Children can Learn at Home

Learning shouldn’t stop for children when the leave the classroom at school. There are tons of things that they can learn in the home that can prove to be useful late in life. Young people can learn things like responsibility and basic life skills that they will need when they go out on their own.

Cooking in the home can be a huge help to children later in life. Diet is important for every person. Knowing how to cook good food and find values, like cooking vegetables that are in season, can provided a lifetime of healthy eating habits. It doesn’t take much work to teach a child to cook. Making the process fun and safe are key factors in the process. Involving kids in menu planning can help them get excited about cooking. They can be especially proud when the family sits down for a meal that the child cooked (or helped cook). Another benefit from this process is a sense of accomplishment.

Having children help with housework can instill some values and knowledge that will last a lifetime. Household chores like cleaning carpets, floors and picking up after themselves instills good habits. If the young person knows that they have to clean the dining room floor, they may be more careful when they eat so they don’t make a mess that they will have to clean up later. This can be a key to being responsible later in life. Parents can also look at this process as training for the kid’s adult life. They have to learn somewhere how to complete basic household chores. A young adult who does not know how to clean their home can run into social problems and even health issues from an unsanitary environment.

Cooking and cleaning may not sound glamorous or fun to children. If parents can apply some ingenuity and make the learning process fun for the child, everyone can benefit.

Dispelling the Myth that Homosexual Parents Raise Gay Children

Gay Couple with Child

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Many close-minded types cling to the ridiculous notion that homosexual parents will indoctrinate children into being gay. This is so far from the truth that it’s in outer space. Having a gay lifestyle is not something that many homosexuals will say that they did not willingly chose. They cannot fight their biology and deny who they really are, deep down inside. But the fact that they are gay should not and does not keep them from being excellent parents to perfectly normal children.

No one understands more deeply that their sexuality is ingrained into them as someone who is homosexual. Only those who are twisted go out and try to “convert” straight people into becoming gay, and even then they aim for adults, not children.

Instead, gay parents want to raise children because they desire to have someone carry on their legacy, even if it is not genetic. But even there it is not so simplistic. Gay couples adopt or have surrogate children because they want the completion of having a family. They are fully prepared for the challenges of raising a child into adulthood and embrace it willingly. There is no agenda here to create a fictional gay army to take over the world. The couple dreads the day that their little girl brings home a man just the same as a hetero couple does. That is to say, they realize that their little girl is now a woman and will soon be leaving them. All they want is to experience life the same way as a hetero family does, and maybe even have what may have been denied to them when they were growing up.

An Evolutionary Argument for the Existance of Homosexuality

It has only been within the last two hundred years, if that, in which homosexuality has become a taboo issue. Puritan attitudes by and large have made homosexuality a hot button issue in the US. This attitude ignores the fact that homosexuality has been known in humanity since the dawn of mankind. In fact, there is proof of homosexuality in all mammals. So why has evolution seen fit to provide a population that will not reproduce, a trait that denies the most driving tenet of life?

Humans started out as hunter-gatherer societies. The men left the camps to hunt and bring back meat while the women bore then raised the children and gathered edibles. Having a homosexual male in the group provided a pair of hands to help with caring for the children, someone who was not focused on the hunting and would stay around to assist with the female’s chores. The women had help that was young, strong and not likely to be limited as with someone who was elderly. Children benefited by having a close relation raise them as opposed to someone unrelated. They would also benefit by being the recipients of any excess the homosexual relation might need to dispose of, be it clothing or food.

Fast forward to current times and we find not much has changed since then. Families who have a homosexual relative often look to that individual for assistance. Not being encumbered with children and family duties gives the gay family member an opportunity to provide many things to the siblings with children. And children benefit from the loving attention provided by the uncle or aunt who have no children of their own to spoil.

 

Is Gay Marriage Really Opening Pandora’s Box?

To listen to a certain segment of the population, letting homosexuals marry opens up a whole can of worms. They are convinced that if gay marriage is legalized in the US, all forms of marriage will clamor for legitimization and dilute the overall idea. But will it really? Hardly.

For all of those Chicken Littles who want to run around yelling the sky is falling, they may as well keep their heads firmly stuck in the sand. Keeping the concept of marriage solidly between two people is what prevents it from becoming a free-for-all. It is up to legislators to keep an open mind while planting their feet firmly on the line and not budging from it.

And when it really comes down to it, marriage is a religious construct, not necessarily a legal one. Certainly a judge has the ability to declare a man and a woman as joined together, but there is nothing stopping the couple from heading to the alter for another ceremony. Why object to letting a homsexual couple to be able to partake in the legal rights that are afforded to hetero ones? From a legal standpoint there is plenty of advantage to be had. Hosptials can no longer turn away same-sex partners and wills can not be so easily challenged just to name a couple of benefits.

Biology is blind. There are times when nature will win out over nurture, and sexual preference is one of those times. Why deny someone happiness just because their brain set them on a course that is different from the majority?

 

Be Proud of Your Gay Wedding

You have long waited for the day that you could marry your partner. In states across the country, the civil unions of gay couples are finally being permitted. It is truly an occasion to celebrate since so many homosexuals have fought so hard for this right. You want it to be a very special day that you will never forget.

There are some unique considerations for planning a gay wedding. The guest list is a big consideration as you contemplate who will be accepting of this union and who will not. You must also keep this in mind as you draw up the seating chart for the reception. What will you wear is another consideration. Do you both want to wear white? Will you wear dresses or pants?

One of the most famous gay marriages involved the union of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi. Rossi wore a traditional white gown while DeGeneres wore white slacks and a silk white shirt. When George Takei of “Star Trek” fame married Brad Altman, both of the men wore black suits. The two waited over 20 years for gay marriage to be legalized in California so that they could tie the knot. The Supreme Court decision in California in 2008 upholding gay marriage resulted in a number of celebrity gay weddings.

One of the most fun parts of getting married is shopping for wedding rings. There are some unique things to consider when purchasing wedding rings for a gay couple. Do you want the exact same ring or two that complement each other in design? The Mars symbol is often used to represent the love between two men, it is a circle with an arrow pointing through it and is often used for gay wedding bands. Many lesbian couples will usethe gay pride triangle symbol in the design of their bands to add special meaning.